Surviving Sleeplessness

I don't think anyone can fully prepare you for what it will be like to have a child. We all have our preconceived ideas about what our little family will be like and how we will function and then baby comes and reality sets in. For us, it was actually a pretty smooth start after a bumpy delivery. Since Malachi was premature, all he wanted to do was sleep. So for me that meant he was on my schedule. He would only wake up when I would wake him to eat and even then it was a battle to keep him up just to do that. Malachi has been waking on his own for probably a month now. Things still seemed well and good until yesterday. The boy decided not to sleep from 1:30-9pm. I was totally overwhelmed. I tried EVERYTHING I could think of, fed him several times, rocked him, put him in a sling, drove around in the car with him, rocked his car seat but despite my hard efforts he refused to sleep or stay asleep longer than a few minutes. Finally, after many tears and desperation, I called my friend Celess knowing she has dealt with the difficulties of non sleeping babies before. Her advice- swaddle him and hold him down on your chest until he falls asleep, make sure he was out for a while and then put him down. Praise God it worked! The night wasn't too bad as he was only up for his 2 night time feeds. Then this morning the battle began again as Malachi fought to keep his eyes open and not nap. Again, we would get him to sleep and then put him down and he'd wake up and scream. Thankfully I got him to take his afternoon nap, he has been sleeping for the past hour and a half now. Hoping we are getting back to normal now.

The past 24hrs has taught me the oh too familiar lesson that I am not and will never be in control. I can not make my baby sleep. No matter what I do I can not force him. I hate not being in control. This is an ongoing struggle for me as God calls us to fully surrender ourselves to his Sovereign and good hand. I was convicted yesterday morning when I read this in a devotional called Jesus Calling.


"It is easy to make an idol of routine, finding security within the boundaries you build around your life. although each day contains twenty-four hours, every single one presents a unique set of circumstances. dont try to force-fit today into yesterday's mold. instead, ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find all I have prepared for you in this precious day of Life."


I wish I meditated on this more as the day went on and presented the exact thing mentioned that I would struggle with, the idol of routine. I LOVE routine. I would love it if I could do pretty much exactly the same thing every day at the same time. I HATE when things or people mess up my routine. That may sound mean or blunt but I am just being honest. I don't mean it to be offensive that is just how I function. I want everything and everyone to fit into my schedule and routine. Obviously God is using Malachi to break me of this selfishness and remove the idol of routine in my life. My desire is to be a person that cherishes God and his plans for my day more than what I hope to accomplish in a 24hr period.